Mmm... Oh Bother!
M - Oh Bother! I thought this particular month will get better with time but it's only getting harder. The third month of the year has arrived with its big gloomy cloud.
Last year (2019), I wrote to you: "I've come to the conclusion that I actually don't vibes with you. Felt this way for about 15 years. I will give you accolades because January and February did me dirty lmao so thank you for being good to me so far... but can I just ask you for one thing? Be even better to me when you come around next year, so all the events that is meant for HER I can actually have the courage to celebrate."
So here you are, in 2020 and I still feel the same regarding HER! What do I have to do in order for us to get along...
Ok ok, let me be thankful for starting my new job and celebrating the first year of my business. On a serious note, I need to have this courage myself right? I mean you didn't ask for this to happen so I can't always blame you, every time that you come around... Oh Bother!
M - Oh Bother! It's her birthday. It's time to celebrate but SHE doesn't really like celebrations. SHE doesn't like anyone making a fuss over her but always good at making fuss over everyone else. I do want to make a fuss - I believe I'm coming round to the idea of acknowledging her day now... we are total opposites. SHE deserves it, I want to celebrate her, but she doesn't... mmm.
Sometimes (or should I say more times), I tend to contradict myself. I find it easier when I know SHE isn't really about it, so I try to pretend the day is not here. Well, this is going to be a challenge! Oh Bother!
I'll try again next year, I'll have discussions with her and aim to make her relive her best memories, celebrating when SHE was younger. *fingers crossed*
M - Oh Bother! It's the that time again... The day to celebrate the female parent. The opportunity to show her off and plaster it all over social media. The time to reflect and appreciate all that SHE has ever done. Time to see her smile, laugh, dress up and look so cute. Time to do the utmost! Time for this day to be all about her and nothing else. Time for her to embrace all the love and care. Time for her to remember SHE is a queen.
Time for me to embrace my reality and let the world know, regardless of the situation that SHE is in, it's still her day to shine. Time for me to not be so overprotective, of what everyone may say or think about her appearance. Time for me not to be so sad of this day because it's for her and SHE is not even sad one little bit! Time for me to not project my anxieties on her. Time for me to allow faith. Time for me to be proud, as SHE really inspires me.
It's not so easy when certain memories are triggered by music, dates or times. How can I deal with them? Do I really want to deal with them? Do I really want to deal with the pains of 'I wish'? I put up boundaries intentionally to protect me. I'm still affected. One thing I do know is, I want to heal but definitely take my time with it. I'm not rushing but I'm also making small efforts here and there. I have to help myself, I'm learning and hoping - for that I'm grateful. They say time is a healer and I will take that on board!
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are - E.E. Cummings