Updated: Dec 15, 2020
Guilt guilt go away, don’t come back again to stay…
I really want to be there for her, but I feel like I can’t, I am emotionally and mentally drained.
SHE is the reason why I feel this terrible guilt. Or is SHE?
I battle with guilt near enough every day.
I blame myself for a few things, only because I should know better or I should ‘understand’ the situation. I try not to be so hard on myself but it’s difficult, I can’t lie. I try to take on advice from loved ones but that doesn’t always work.
I’m sometimes annoyed with her, but it’s not her fault. I’m sometimes disappointed in her, but it’s not her fault, I’m sometimes frustrated with her, but it’s not her fault.
Does she even know what is going on? Is she even aware of her surroundings? Does she get why I react the way I do? Does she have control over her mind?
When I interact with her, I feel upset or angry – SHE looks different every time I see her, that hurts. I’m guilty. When I go to family gatherings, they ask of her, I don’t like it, I go quiet or I change the subject. I just don’t want to talk about it. I’m guilty. When I go a couple of weekends without seeing her, I choose comfortability over visiting. I’m supposed to see her at least once a week. I’m guilty.
Nevertheless, it has been very crucial for me to recognise that solely accepting this guilt will not suffice in circumstances like these. Guilt stops me from moving on/ forward. It consumed me, made me vulnerable, which lead to being hurt.
When I tend to make healthier decisions, the guilt surely comes back up! It is time to take care of myself and good care of my mind.
It is time to deal with this guilt and put it to bed!
How am I going to deal with this guilt? (My top 3!)
1. Pray – Prayer is important. Praying for strength, direction and renewal of mind so peace can reign.
2. Forgiveness – Being able to self-forgive is vital for self-esteem.
3. Let it go – Not giving myself a difficult time by replaying bad decisions repeatedly in my head. Not going overboard to try and please the person I feel like I’ve hurt or neglected as forgiveness is in their hands. Let the negative go!
Other options for dealing with guilt.
- Acknowledge your behavior/ accept when you are wrong
- Tackle the obstacles
- Increase self awareness by monitoring the effect your guilt has on you
- Remember, you are NOT perfect
- Seek professional help
- Stop punishing yourself
Guilt guilt go away, don’t come back again to stay.